Shoutout to the HP tech who told me 3 days for a print head, it took 11 minutes
Turns out the "dead" print head on my DesignJet just needed the carriage contacts wiped with a dry lint-free cloth, which I figured out after 3 days of forum scrolling, a $89 part order I cancelled, and one tech call where the guy laughed and told me to try the cloth first, so what's the dumbest fix you've ever found after way too long staring at a broken printer?